What is spoken can be carried.
What is hidden carries you.

Secrets and the mind

The mind returns to what it cannot set down.

"It isn't the hiding that weighs on us most — it's how often our minds return to what we're keeping. Across 10 studies cataloguing more than 13,000 secrets, how often people thought about a secret predicted lower well-being, lower relationship satisfaction, and worse physical health. How often they actively concealed it did not. The average person carries around thirteen secrets at any given time."

— Slepian, Chun & Mason (2017), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 113(1), 1–23. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000085

Shame and the body

The body keeps its own record.

"Across 208 laboratory studies, the situations that most reliably spiked the stress hormone cortisol were the ones where people felt negatively judged by others."

— Dickerson & Kemeny (2004), Psychological Bulletin, 130(2), 355–391. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.130.2.355

"Increases in shame predicted larger cortisol responses to social-evaluative stress."

— Gruenewald, Kemeny, Aziz & Fahey (2004), Psychosomatic Medicine, 66(6), 915–924. https://doi.org/10.1097/01.psy.0000143639.61693.ef

"In a randomized experiment, writing about shame-filled experiences raised a marker of inflammatory immune activity — and the more shame people felt, the bigger the rise."

— Dickerson, Kemeny, Aziz, Kim & Fahey (2004), Psychosomatic Medicine, 66(1), 124–131. https://doi.org/10.1097/01.psy.0000097338.75454.29

The power of disclosure

Speaking is how it gets set down.

"In a study of more than 10,000 secrets, telling someone didn't stop people hiding — but it made the secret feel more copable-with. Feeling supported quieted the mental replay, and predicted greater well-being."

— Slepian & Moulton-Tetlock (2019), Social Psychological and Personality Science, 10(4), 472–484. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550618765069

"In lab studies, putting a hidden trauma into words was linked to measurably lower bodily stress in the moment — telling the truth relaxed the body."

— Pennebaker, Hughes & O'Heeron (1987), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(4), 781–793. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.52.4.781

"Disclosure of traumas was followed by enhanced T-lymphocyte responsiveness six weeks later."

— Pennebaker, Kiecolt-Glaser & Glaser (1988), Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 56(2), 239–245. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-006X.56.2.239

Empathy and shame resilience

Not just anywhere.

"Researcher Brené Brown's interviews with hundreds of people revealed that shame thrives on secrecy, silence, and judgment — and cannot survive being spoken and met with empathy."

— Brown (2006), Families in Society, 87(1), 43–52. https://doi.org/10.1606/1044-3894.3483

"Secrets shared with another person were linked to better adjustment than secrets kept entirely private."

— Frijns, Finkenauer & Keijsers (2013), Journal of Adolescence, 36(1), 55–64. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2012.09.005

"The evidence for health benefits of revealing secrets is mixed — context and the listener matter. This is why confession belongs in a safe, skilled container. Not just anywhere."

— Kelly & McKillop (1996), Psychological Bulletin, 120(3), 450–465. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.120.3.450